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Sep 12

Manipulation Games 1: The “One Upmanship Expert”

In this Manipulation Game the manipulator is expert in any possible topic, corrects your smallest mistakes, finds your weak points and reminds you of them with pretending being of your help

 

At times, I think I am an expert and armored against it. But yet again, I am struck again. In the middle of a conversation I feel stupid, ignorant and unprepared. Not in the first time I got entrapped in a Manipulation Game.

 

First of all I am confused because I have a deep gut feeling that what’s going on is not stemming from me. I am angry to my opponent because she shepherded me into this situation.

At the same time I’m ashamed because I don’t have a good answer to her question.

 

Wait a minute: this question was not on the topic and out of context! By the way, it was a perfect hit to an uncertain point of mine. I have no time to think it over, because there is a sense of urgency. I have to answer further questions which all show how much I failed in the task we are talking about, in contrast to my opponent who is irrevocable in it. With these boiling emotions in the back of my mind, I cannot even give those “right” answers that I have.

 

Warning!

What is Emotional Manipulation?

Why are we vulnerable for it?

What are the dirty tricks they play with us?

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I don’t even want to. I don’t want to take an exam at the moment – I proved myself enough before.

 

She turns the dialogue into a self-puffing monologue: just to lecture me how wonderfully she solved this problem, flavoring with what I should do to reach her heights… I am furious… She notices, and explains: “I just want to help you!” sprinkled with a little hint of incomprehension and doubt in my ability to withstand critique.

 

Dead end: I cannot argue, because I am labeled hypersensitive to critique, or my argument shows “resistance” which of course shows my flawed point in the conversation. No other option but surrender.

 

The most annoying point is that she correctly pointed to a weak point. I would be grateful for this help – if it was not surrounded by this emotional turmoil.

 

I bet this is a familiar feeling for most of you: once in a while we all can run into this type of “One-Upmanship Experts”. This a kind of manipulation which concentrates on the “One-Upmanship Experts” gains while disregarding your interest and feelings. The main goal is not helping you as it is usually stated, but showing off with exaggerated competence thus feeding self-esteem on the other side. This is where you annoyance comes from.

 

One-Upmanship expert has a need to gain the higher ground against others. S/he is talented to spot the vulnerable points and gain an advantage by it. Putting down others, being “the expert” in almost every topic and minimizing the values of others help them feel superior and gain status. They prove their competence by focusing on other people’s mistakes and stick to the one absolute truth concept. It allows them not to focus on their own weaknesses and shame so they can avoid the sometimes painful introspection.

 

 

Warning!

More info and help against manipulation:

“From Strings To Wings”

 

 

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