Relate to our loved ones flaws and mistakes with acceptance can make the difference between happy or resentful Holidays.
No matter which culture or religion, this time of the year when the days are the shortest as well as the coldest, we all want to withdraw ourselves into our cozy den and feel the warmth of our “tribe”: warmth of the body and warmth of the soul.
In your childhood, do you recall how you could hardly wait until Christmas arrived! As adults, we also have huge expectation for the miracle of love to come to us! This is it what we yearn so much for. Is this absence of love that makes the celebration difficult? Probably not!
We work, we shop, we spend, we prepare, and we are all overly excited. Unfortunately, when the big day of the family gathering arrives; tension relentlessly stalks us. Then it hits: “You burnt the food…” “You couldn’t even decorate the tree nicely…” – you did this or that the wrong way.
But it was not even what was said that caused pain, but rather the manner in how it was delivered: with the little grimace near the nose, with suppressed irritation in the voice, with rolling of the eyes. Everything whispers: “You are not good enough!” – As a result, we feel rejected, belittled and perished. Depending on one’s character, a fraction of a second later we are angry towards the person who caused the pain or we are severely depressed with the repressed anger.
I can safely assume that you have compiled a list of these types of hurts of when someone made you feel like a faulty, unskillful or useless person. I am sure you can recall the shame and the unworthiness that you felt, as well as the feeling of utter disappointment over the ruined Holiday atmosphere.
Can we investigate the same from your side? –Sorry for the inconveniences; but it is worth it! You might recall incidents when you behaved the same with your loved ones.
I am truly sorry it happened, but I confess I have been guilty upon occasion. Only afterwards, I realized how it truly hurt their feelings.
If you can remember these kinds of happenings, I’ve got three pieces of good news to share!
-You are one of the brave one who is able to face their mistakes! Congratulations!
-You can practice acceptance over imperfection first hand on yourself! You don’t have to be perfect, you can have mistakes, and you can forgive yourself afterward! (A little atonement always helps.)
-But this is the best: if you realized that you contributed somehow to an inconvenient situation, it places the control in your hand to immediately cease it!
What’s the main thing missing? It’s not the love! We criticize our loved ones with more rejection than we criticize strangers!
It is the ACCEPTANCE that is missing!
We don’t have to be perfect, and our loved one doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be loved! Every human being is full of great characteristics as well as glaring weaknesses. No one is perfect, and no one is expected to be perfect. Excellence, especially, cannot be the condition of love!
And if you ACCEPT this idea, you can be relieved from stress. If you accept yourself altogether with your inherent flaws, then it is easier to accept your family member altogether with their flaws.
It doesn’t matter if your aunt doesn’t have a good taste in dressing, it doesn’t matter if your uncle is not the best handyman, and you can forgive if your partner was not able to find the perfect gift for you!
Even if you mention one or the other mistakes they make, you can make it with an acceptant tone in your voice, full of affection. It is the rejection that hurts, and acceptance makes negative comments tolerable.
You might be the one to initiate a new tradition: you might be generous – psychologically – and save your reproaches from encroaching upon your surroundings. You might discover followers in the process!
Finally if you absorbed this suggestion, you already know: If you forget about it during the Holiday fuss and make some nasty remarks – it is also OK. You can accept Christmas season together along with its mistakes too!
Be ACCEPTANT towards your loved ones and choose to relax!
ABOVE ALL ELSE, ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS!